Wednesday, March 7, 2007


Last evening I managed to completely psych my kids out…which is always fun, but it also got me thinking - though not about knitting so I’m going to manage that expectation right up front.

Madeline was happily watching a Beyoncé videos on the computer (please DO NOT get me started – I am not a fan) and I walked over and tapped her on the shoulder putting on my best “you are in a huge amount of trouble missy!” look. Then I said in my most terrible voice “There is something we need to talk about RIGHT NOW!” Having terrified her into thinking that her chances of ever watching TV again were close to nil, I gave her a very stern look and told her that I was very very glad she was here. Then I did the same to Alex who was sitting 5 feet away, so engrossed in the TV (and completely unable to attend to two things at the same time) that he didn’t hear a word of what I said to Madeline.

It got me thinking about how there are some rather significant benefits to having shared custody. There is so much less taking for granted that goes both ways. Missing each other makes us remember how much we really mean to each other.

I did not grow up in a broken home – and it was a different time of course – but I do not ever remember being told or having the feeling that my very existence was valued Of course I felt loved and I certainly didn’t have a bad childhood. But there was no practice of just saying “I love that you are here with me.” And now, when my children come home after being gone a few days I am genuinely grateful that they are there and I can make a point of letting them know that we are deeply connected and having them there re-affirms that connection over and over again.

I think what is most amazing is how my kids dissolve into puddles of goo when I say it.


Jeanne said...

Beautiful post - made me remember when my own kids were younger and how I used to miss them when they were with their dad. Enjoy them while they are at this stage - they grow up so fast and teenagers just aren't the same!

Yvette said...

Great reflection. I always try to make my kid get that she is valued as well. It's lovely to hear the importance of that being expressed.