Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Facts and Figures

It seems I'm a facts and figures kind of person. It turns out, based on some standardized testing to help me figure out why my job makes me miserable, that I am highly "conventional".

Please please please...do not label me conventional!!! Also, please I don't want to be an office clerk even if my interests most match office clerks everywhere. Office clerk salary is NOT going to pay for my house, my car or...(and here it gets really scary)...my yarn!

And let's not even begin to discuss the degree to which this does not fit with my romantic conception of "who Lisa is". In fact, it appears that my ideas about "who Lisa is" are rather deeply flawed if not completely delusional.

I was explaining to my mom earlier today that I have this persona that I've aspiring to be to the point that who I actually am seems to be completely unknown to me.

(side story - she helpfully pointed out to me all things she thinks I am to make me feel better - I'm kind, I care about other people, family is important - then not so helpfully said there were things about me "of course" that weren't so nice. This is point at which I became sorry I'd chosen to discuss this with her and now all I can think about is that there is stuff that my mom doesn't much like about me...and g-d help me if I ever ever ever say something like that to my own kids. And we wonder why I'm in therapy.)

So anyway back to me/not me and here is the list of things that characterize the Lisa persona:

  1. Surprise! Her name isn't Lisa. Do not ask me what it is but it wouldn't be anything boring or short like that.
  2. Persona-girl has nice handwriting - nice consistent handwriting. If her handwriting were analyzed it would be clear that she is a together, balanced human being. My handwriting would probably be impossible to analyze since it changes ALL THE TIME. What's up with that?
  3. Persona-girl (hey, that's growing on me) would fit right into the Dove campaign - she's just that cool and outgoing and lively. And willing to pose in her underwear.
  4. She cleans her house, her laundry gets done (and put away), the slipcover on her couch never comes loose because she doesn't have a six-year-old son who can't sit without also sliding.
  5. Her stuff would never get completely re-written because it would be completely perfect right away. And she could write anything from moving bereavement letters to meaningful messages.
  6. And of course she works out (daily), walks fast everywhere (she's high energy) and only eats things that are bad for her on rare special occasions. In fact, she doesn't really like that stuff much anyway.
  7. She never smoked, she never will smoke. And neither should you (but she isn't preachy).
  8. At parties she never dominates but always says just the right thing. She's a magnet in the nicest way - so you can't hate cause she's just so nice and can make everyone around her feel special and valued.
  9. Persona-girl is also a world-traveller!!! That's right! Any chance to learn about new cultures, trek through the wilds of Borneo (are there any wilds left in Borneo?) or sip wine in France -- she's there. And P-G would never never spend 3 months in a state of anxiety about not being able to speak the language and completely embarrassing herself. P-G was born without the ability to blush.
  10. P-G is, of course, on the fast track for promotion of all kinds and everyone wants to work with and for her.
  11. P-G oozes creativity and a flair all her own. P-G does not wear black because its far too easy to fall back on. And she makes all her own jewelry and most of her own accessories and looks adorable in a poncho.
  12. P-G has propoerly sized boobs that sit where they are supposed to.

I could go on but you get the picture.

I promise to see my therapist next week, yessir I do!

4 comments:

miss ewe said...

Welcome to Blogland... I'm pretty new here myself. I think your persona-girl and my persona-girl would be good pals. If only, eh???

stitch-dom said...

Actually...can I be friends with you instead? I'm denying P-G any contact with the outside world in the hopes that she will slowly wither and die. Couldn't happen to a nicer person...but what can you do?!

stitch-dom said...

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Anonymous said...

You hate Donna because she IS so very much like the person you want to be. My advice to you: Spend your energy being and becoming who you'd like to be--not bashing others.